They say for everything there is a reason. They believe for everything there is a season but I wonder why my life orbits around winter. My imaginative lense ponders on what I would do if fairies existed would I take a leap and bring life to a halt , get answers and soothe My thirst for silence but perhaps I would stick around and watch my fate take me places.
Death of a parent is one thing but watching the remaining making the wrong decisions is over the edge a few months after mom passed dad agreed to marry my aunt . Before I could bandage the wound in my heart after mom left us dad passed on leaving me alone with no one but my step mother and siblings. Its true what they say that everyone leaves during your dark times none of my paternal or maternal relatives took me with them I became a bad omen . Life took a drastic change I began to feel like I should have died with my parents.
The death of my parents came with loss of family members , friends and society saw nothing more than a useless waste of air in me. The closest I had to family was Tracey because our stories looked similar.
Attending school became my hell students secluded me even in activities. Aunt took away my everything under the context that I don’t deserve it slowly and
inevitably I was deteriorating . I became the servant I went for nights sans food without blankets to cover body.
Our culture says our ancestors watch over where are mine . As if discrimination and names where not enough my brother began to force himself on me . Whenever he felt the need he
would fulfill his manly desires through me . Pillow and tears developed a healthy relationship I would sit in a dark corner rock and then cry myself to sleep. When I dared to object he would use me as a punching bag. A woman’s biggest enemy is not a man it is another woman. I was losing my mind hatred was brewing in me . I told aunt after a lot of contemplation I don’t know why but I was not surprised about her reaction. She threw tantrums accused me of enticing her son because there is no way he would even look at a cheap worthless person like me . In fragments my heart was exposed I could not even close my eyes I could only see him molesting me.
The situation worsened when aunt told her daughters like a wink word reached the whole family and I was accused and cursed for attempts to separate a son from them. Brother took it to his advantage . I was scared and traumatized I could not walk the streets let alone go to school. I was deemed a prostitute and noone wanted their children near me . I dropped out of school since I already had a lot of drama. I thank GOD Tracey stood up for me ( the thing is she gets me because she was also a victim of rape). Aunt took it as an opportunity to gain weight and I became her personal maid.
A month passed, like a sponge I sucked in everything they threw at me and cried myself to sleep and woke up again with a smile on my face. I could not take it anymore I had to be strong for myself and fight, I applied for a scholarship and took up a job at a local pharmacy, I needed the distraction. The owner began to make advancements towards me I gave a blind eye until he tried to force himself onto me. Is there any humanity left towards the suffering. He insulted me because there is nothing special about a raped prostituting orphan like me .It broke me but after all I had been through I was not going to give him the satisfaction he wanted . Heartbroken I got home to a scholarship approval letter.
I walked a lonely journey till now and being the army I’ve become I’m ready to face life come what may.