By: Damian Chiemezie How you murder someone without your knowledge. Damian is slightly bothered. Not for anything but what we ignore as a requirement for true success. These words #emotional_intelligence_ ring in my mind each time I relate with people; and each time I converse with my SELF
I don’t know how those words were explained to you but I want to interpret it in non-conventional language See, my good friend, emotional intelligence means so many things to different folks. For a sex worker, it could mean: being considerate with a dying client—one in a sexual drive that cannot be quenched. Because his pay is not equal to your brand and he is almost dying to have you, you sympathize with him and give him your service.
Is that not emotional intelligence to a sex worker?
To a businessman. It could mean entertaining insults from customers provided they give you what you need— Money To someone going through tough times, it could mean being able to withstand the pressures of adversity irrespective of the magnitude
For a philanthropist, it could mean making sure that people around you or beyond are always smiling through your generosity. My dear friend, all of the above could be interpreted as emotional intelligence. You are absolutely right.
But… But what if…
What of concealing your happiness to someone less fortunate than your SELF. Really?
You didn’t get me. Let me break it down so that I will save someone from raising this kind of filthy dust when hobnobbing with the underprivileged. You came to school and asked Amaka:
What did you eat, buddy?
Amaka answered: “Hmmm. I almost came to school on an empty stomach but I managed to drink _garri_ etcheew! The garri self, I no put am sugar”
As Amaka narrated her ordeal in the breakfast she just had, you lightened your face. Like, you were comfortable smiling instead of tightening your face to show sympathy. As if that was not enough…
Amaka turned to you and asked: “You know? What did you eat this morning? And you answered: “Wow! Amaka, you should have seen the sizable chicken I consumed this morning, garnished with… And I made sure I flushed it with a cool juice–straight from the refrigerator.
And Amaka looked at you and feigned ease. She just made you think she was happy with you. ????? And you think you are not a murderer. ?
What more emotional crime is worse than this? Do you want Amaka to be happy or sad? Are you really a good friend? What of thinking of a holy lie? You could say: “Amaka, you are even lucky you drank _garri_. Me, you know me not. I had to eat the abandoned food, cooked three days ago.? . Na food I swear not to eat ooo but hunger prompted that decision.
What will Amaka say or do? She will feel at peace and understand that the difficulty she is passing through is not peculiar to her.
? It is called #emotional_intelligence
I repeat: it is called Emotional Intelligence. Learn it.
Sometimes, your _Intelligence Quotient_ needn’t be applied to save someone. Let’s look at another scenario: Your friend confided in you that she bought _okrika cloth_ from one ogbenge corner like that.
What did you say? You began to narrate how you went to Shoprite with your boyfriend —to buy brand new clothes packaged in one fancy Chinese bag.
Why your joyful story? When you know too well, Amaka is from a poor background and was only privileged to be your friend. And cannot afford those luxuries. You want her to begin to misbehave. Isn’t it?
And you want to tell me you are not a murderer? You are– because you murder people emotionally. Hence, I am here to challenge you to be emotionally intelligent. Please repent?
Learn sympathy or better still _empathy_ Learn them at all costs.
They cannot ( or may not) be learnt in our traditional school.
Give thyself permission to learn and practice them.
Stay strong, Damian